Dan Henderson's sense of humor is very dry. Like, Sahara Desert dry. And also, he's very direct. You ask him a yes or no question, you get a yes or no answer...and that's it. Just asking Dan how he was doing made me feel like I was bothering him. At team Quest 6 years ago Ryan Loco and Evan Shoman interviewed Dan. Ryan started the interview and Evan came in during the middle of the interview because, as he said later, "It was so quiet in there, I thought Dan had murdered you. Not that I could have done anything about it."
Why post this now? Why post this again? Because since that time Dan went from 'Decision Dan' to one of the top 5 greatest fighters of all time. This was conducted after a long training session at Team Quest, in Dan's office. Here it is, untouched, with all our interruptions. Enjoy.
Ryan Loco: First off, thanks for taking the time out of your busy, sweat filled evening to sit down with me.
Hendo: My pleasure.
Ryan Loco: The main question that has been on everybody's mind, it's all over the internet, is...Are you ever going to bring back the mullet from that prom picture?
Hendo: *Laughs* You like that picture?
Ryan Loco: I love that picture. It's hilarious. With the bowtie? It's fantastic. I mean, you're imposing right now with the shaved head, but if I saw a dude coming at me with a mullet, it's over.
Hendo: Well, I don't think I'll bring back the mullet, mostly because I'm too goddamned lazy to do my hair. This is so easy, I shave once, twice a month, buzz my hair, I'm good to go.
*Art Santore's wife comes in to talk to Dan about seeing Santa at the mall.*
Ryan Loco: So no mullet, that's unfortunate.
Hendo: I'm too lazy.
Ryan Loco: Understandable. Now, driving up here, we got that lovely smell. Why did you choose Temecula of all places, it smells like Matt Lindland out there.
Hendo: It's not that big of an armpit.
Ryan Loco: What brought ya here?
Hendo: I just kinda like being out of the big cities. And it's kinda situated okay, close enough to San Diego and Orange County. And I kinda like my space. I like it out here. Good place to open a gym, too. Lotta young families. The sport is growing so much, especially in that age group. The young adults, they wanna get their kids into it.
Ryan Loco: This is the part where I was gonna ask a question about Nate Quarry, but no one cares about Nate Quarry, so never mind.
*Dan gives me a bored, deadpan look.*
Ryan Loco: Nate's a friend of mine, I just like to mess with him.
Hendo: Ok.
Ryan Loco: So now that you got MayheM as part of Team Quest, are we thinking about anything for your teeth? Maybe a platinum piece?
Hendo: Nope.
Ryan Loco: Nothing? Come on Dan!
Hendo: If my fake teeth were platinum, they'd fall out all the time, they're too heavy.
Ryan Loco: We'd just glue 'em in.
Hendo: Again, I'm too lazy.
*Evan Shoman walks in with prints for Dan to sign*
Shoman: Did you ask him about his nicknames?
Ryan Loco: Not yet.
Shoman: Mind if I ask him?
Ryan Loco: Go for it.
Shoman: Aside from Twinkle Toes, you may have 4 of the worst nicknames in MMA.
Hendo: 4 of 'em?
Ryan Loco: Hollywood.
Hendo: I've never endorsed that one.
Ryan Loco: Decision.
Shoman: Dan the Hand.
Hendo: Dan the Hand, never heard that one.
Shoman: It's on your website.
Hendo: It's on MY website?
Shoman: The Team Quest website. "Dan, sometimes known as Dan the Hand."
Hendo: I've never even heard of that nickname. )Dan turns to Heath Sims) You better check that out, Heath. Ok, that one's not a known nickname.
Shoman: And Dangerous?
Hendo: That one's been around for a little while.
Shoman: How about the pedophile?
Ryan Loco: I was thinking Defcon.
*This is the part of the interview where Dan forgets that we are in the room, possibly on purpose.*
Hendo: You guys haven't heard the Japanese nicknames, there's more. There's like 2 or 3 more. They call me the American Athlete. I didn't know it for awhile. Then they shortened my name by Dan Hen. And then they call me Middle Nice or something. They try and GQ me up.
Ryan Loco: Middle nice?
Hendo: Yeah, a nice, middle aged guy. Before one of my fights, they put it up there. Way up on the big screen.
*Art Santore walks in*
Art Santore: Have you guys seen my glasses?
Hendo: Did you sit on them?
Shoman: I don't think Dan stole them.
Ryan Loco: Okayyyyy...umm, Defcon 1 is ok, Defcon 5 is terrible, Defcon Dan is trouble.
Shoman: We were talking to Daniel Puder the other day, everything became Puders. He got kicked in the "Puders."
Ryan Loco: That'd be hot. "That guy has a beautiful Hendo."
Shoman: Well, I said...I thought, I...that's a good one.
Ryan Loco: I know, I should trademark it.
Hendo: A lot of people call me Hendo. Or Dan Hen. Or American Athlete.
Ryan Loco: Aren't a lot of people an American Athlete over there? "Oh, there goes that American Athlete."
Hendo: Anyways...
*Had there been a gun or a knife or even a letter opener in Dan's office, I would have been murdered*
Shoman: How about your nickname is Dan? They call you Dan DAN.
Hendo: That...that was weak.
Shoman: It's better than the American Psycho.
Hendo: Who's that?
Ryan Loco: Stephen Bonnar.
*SILENCE*
Ryan Loco: Umm, yeah, I haven't heard of him either.
Hendo: I mean, I've heard of him, but...
Ryan Loco: I think it goes Stephen Bonnar and then Nate Quarry.
Hendo: ...I didn't know his nickname.
Shoman: I was supposed to draw Nate a new shirt, and since he's "Rock" and not "The Rock" I was just going to draw...a rock.
Ryan Loco: The Paperweight.
Hendo: He doesn't wanna be "The Rock?" I thought he was always "The Rock". Maybe it's because "THE Rock" became famous and he wants his own name.
Ryan Loco: Nate Quarry last fought in 1964.
Shoman: Against a bear.
Hendo: That...that...that fight with Franklin just killed him.
Ryan Loco: Literally.
Hendo: Killed his will. He shouldn't have fought that fight.
Shoman: You're not gonna put that in there, are you?
Ryan Loco: I'm just gonna record it and mail it to Nate.
Hendo: I'll tell Nate that. I already told Nate. Anyways...
Ryan Loco: This is really exciting.
Hendo: Is this all you got for me, what the hell? You guys are worthless.
Ryan Loco: I am worthless.
Hendo: Yeah.
Ryan Loco: So...has it been since the second the Wanderlei fight ended that you wanted to fight him again?
Hendo: I didn't really care. For awhile I didn't really care, until they started that whole belt thing, and then I wanted his belt. I didn't care if it was him or not. I wanted the belt at that weight class. Then they started this other weight class, where I had to cut weight. I don't care what weight class I fight at. I kinda had some goals set at 205 that...I mean, I wanna fight Wanderlei again now. I should have beat him the first time. If it was in the UFC, I would have beat him. They would have stopped the fight. Still, you know, he recovered well and beat me in a nice decision, but they would have stopped that fight in the US. I'd like to fight him in Vegas.
Ryan Loco: Now, do you want to fight him in Vegas because it is here in America, or because of the rule changes?
Hendo: No, just to fight him. And it's here in America. Be a good fight for the American fans. I think a lot of people thought that that fight was pretty exciting. We're both older, a bit smarter, and a little bit better skilled now.
Ryan Loco: And you're way better looking.
Hendo: Yeah, well...I was then too, but that didn't matter. I would be undefeated if they judged fights by how guys looked afterwards, too. He had a second person on his eye. I'd love to do that again. Dot the "eye" on Silva.
Ryan Loco: You could Nate Quarry him.
Hendo: I don't think he's going to come at me with his hands out that far. I would love to fight Wanderlei again, and I want that fight in Vegas.
Ryan Loco: Have they said anything to you about that?
Hendo: Well, I'm fighting on that card. Don't know who. Wanderlei is fighting on that card. I know that I'm an option. So, it's a good chance that it could happen.
Ryan Loco: You're ready either way.
Hendo: Yeah. He's a cheating bastard and I want to beat his ass this time. He won't be able to grab the ropes and head stomp me this time. He'll still be able to grab the ropes, just no headstomp. Dirty Brazilian cheating bastard. Dirty fighter.
Ryan Loco: Dirty fighting cheating bastard, the Brazilian athlete. Got it. Now, do you take any tips from Tim Sylvia about your belt? Do you shower with it?
Hendo: I wonder if he wears a condom with that thing, when he makes love to it.
Ryan Loco: Maybe some Scotch Guard.
Shoman: It could be like when they get obese people off the couch, and they grow into it. Maybe his skin is fusing with the belt.
Hendo: It's a good thing that the UFC makes new belts for everybody. His would be pretty nasty though, it's been everywhere he's been.
Ryan Loco: A lot of corn fields.
Hendo: A lot of Corn Holes.
Ryan Loco: Do you have your belt with you?
Hendo: It's collecting dust at my house.
Ryan Loco: Did you get a belt for winning the MW tourney in the UFC?
Hendo: No. I don't know what they gave me.
Ryan Loco: A participant trophy for showing up?
Hendo: A little one, if they did.
Ryan Loco: Thanks for fighting, here, we validated your parking.
Hendo: I don't remember what I got there.
Shoman: Can't be too exciting, if you can't remember.
Hendo: My knee was swollen after that.
Ryan Loco: Alright...well, yeah, that's all I got. Thank you American Dangerous Hollywood Dan Hen the Hand...
Hendo: Don't forget Middle Nice.
Ryan Loco: Middle Nice Henderson.
Shoman: How about the question, "Where do you get this vibrant personality?"
Ryan Loco: Yeah, could you turn it off just for a few seconds, please.
Shoman: Dan, I'm gonna need you to calm down.
Hendo: I'm busy signing these damn prints! My wife said my lips were off.
Shoman: Thanks. Official Dan the Hand prints.
Hendo: I never heard that one.
Shoman: It's on 3 different websites.
Ryan Loco: And a couple porno sites.
Hendo: That's a different Dan. Same hand though.
Ryan Loco: I got one more question Dan, How much Xanax are you actually on right now?
Hendo: What the hell is Xanax?
Shoman: Everything Jason Miller needs to get through his day.
Hendo: Oh. I think I need the other part of the spectrum.
*The understatement of the year*
Shoman: Has your ear ever exploded? Because it's bleeding right now.
Hendo: It always bleeds in that same spot. Whenever I do stuff.
Ryan Loco: Like beating the piss out of Art Santore.
Shoman: Like the axe kick to the face, followed by the punch to his ass?
Hendo: When did I do that?
Shoman: Tonight.
Hendo: Oh.
